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More Maine Jokes

- FACTS -
Heart Attack
Historical Tidbits
Last Column
Let's Say Thanks
Lived So Long Without
Military Mania
Mystery Stone
Plastic & Cancer ?
Pumping Gas!
Tomb of the Unknowns
Worth $ of Car!

Jeff Foxworthy on Maine:  ~ from Peter Knowles

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches
of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you
might live in Maine
.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year
because
Moosehead Lake
is the coldest spot in the nation,you might live in
Maine
.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might
live in
Maine


If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you
might live in
Maine.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you
might live in
Maine
.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in
Maine
.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
Maine
.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in
Maine
.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you might live in
Maine
.


YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE MAINER WHEN:

1. "Vacation" means going South past
Augusta
for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife knows how
to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means
Augusta
.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22. You actually understand these jokes, and you tell them to all your
Maine friends.

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