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The Bricklayer

Heart Attack
Historical Tidbits
Last Column
Let's Say Thanks
Lived So Long Without
Military Mania
Mystery Stone
Plastic & Cancer ?
Pumping Gas!
Tomb of the Unknowns
Worth $ of Car!

The Brick Layer
    Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a
    bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
    newsletter of the American Insurance Journal. This
    is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have
    received a Darwin Award for sure..
    Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request
    for additional information in Block 3 of the accident
    report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my
    accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I
    trust the following details will be sufficient.
    I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building.
    When I completed my work, I found that I had some
    bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found
    to be slightly more than 500 lb.. Rather than carry
    the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
    barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the
    side of the building on the sixth floor.
    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the
    roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into
    it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it
    tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
    You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form,
    that I weigh 135 lb..
    Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
    suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let
    go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a
    rapid rate up the side of the building.
    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel,
    which was now proceeding downward at an equally
    impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull,
    minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed
    in section 3 of the accident report form.
    Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
    stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two
    knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this
    time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
    to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to
    experience a great deal of pain.
    At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
    bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
    Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel
    weighed approximately 50 lb..
    I refer you again to my weight.
    As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the
    side of the building. In the vicinity of the third
    floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for
    the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
    lacerations of my legs and lower body.
    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
    with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
    injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and
    fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
    I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the
    pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost
    my composure and presence of mind and let go of the
    rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel
    beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains
    the two broken legs.
    I hope this answers your questions.

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